For all the fish in the ocean

I walk in, a little tense, and close the door. Make sure it's closed all the way. I climb up two steps and sit down.
"I'm just gonna relax," I say to myself.
But I know it's coming. Oh I know it's coming!
"Don't be silly, you know it's perfectly harmless! It's good for you, actually!"
Yes I know, but I don't really care to be all that rational right now. It's coming, it's coming!

I pull my knees to my chin and hug them close. I close my eyes in anticipation.
"If you last five rounds, you will feel so good. You'll see. You know it's true. You will not be in pain tomorrow after the today's boxing session. And the weights, you overdid it again. Just hang in here."
Whatever, I could just do sauna, in fact I think I'm gonna go right now, it's just nextdoor...
"No you don't!!! Sit down. You're gonna chicken out for a bit of fog?! Shame on you!"
Ohhhh why do I ever listen to you, OK, I'll sit....let's just be done with this.

Then it comes, sudden explosion of sound and steam.
PhhssssssSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

My heart starts thumping and I feel goosebumps all over. My limbs turn heavy and weak.
This is what it felt like when they released CycloneB at the prisoners in concentration camps, this is exactly it! Why do I trust complete strangers at some random sports club? This steam could be anything! In fact I think I'm suffocating! This is it, I'm getting out!
"Of fer crying out loud! You trust them because you pay them 100 dollars a month, stupid. They would all rot in jail long ago. People do this all the time. You know it's great for exfoliation!"
I so don't care right now about some exfoliation! My life is in jeopardy here!
"Oh yes you do. You say you don't, but of course you do. Besides, exfoliation diminishes the risk of cancer, did you know that?"
Of course I know! I can exfoliate some other way and certainly someplace else.
"Oh yeah? You're gonna buy the fancy exfoliating shower gel with plastic beads? You do know that they don't disintegrate. You do know they go through all the filters and all the way into the ocean and fish choke on them because they are exactly the same size as plankton."
What? So I'm here because of the fish? This is insane. You are insane!

PfhsssssssSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Yikes.

"See? that was not nearly as scary as the first one. You even enjoy it, I know you."

Well it is less terrible, I admit. And skin is pealing off of me in droves. I'm gonna have a baby back, yes I will, yes I will. But it's hot and I've been here for hours, this cannot be healthy, I'll probably just die of a heart attack. In fact I'm a littl queasy alredy.

"Well if you stop fidgeting and just give it a chance. Lie down or something."

OK, I'll give you one more round, just because I was such a chicken.

PfhhsssssSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Hey.

"What?"

Nothing. It's OK. I'm a little thirsty and hot, but I do admit that you were right. This is relaxing.

"Well I'm a little thirsty myself."

You know, we have a cold cold IPA in the fridge at home. Can you see its golden gleam? Can you see the condensed pearls of sweat on the bottle? Can you hear the cap popping open and the fizzing of the beer out of the bottle?"

"Yeah. I can hear that."

It's been almost three rounds. Are we good? I promise the next time I'll last five. Why, even tomorrow if you want.

"OK. Let's bail."